Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
