On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
