He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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