just come out here and I will go home with you...
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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