I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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