Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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