In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
