I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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