I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
