when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
