Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize