I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
