Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
