so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
