I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize