just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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