You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I just found a bag of teeth...
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
