Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
