Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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