I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize