No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
