It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
