i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
