Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
