What did we do last night that was yellow?
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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