Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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