Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Randomize
