I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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