your parents love me but you hate me
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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