You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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