I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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