I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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