you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
