The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
