i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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