I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
