i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
