farters have to be the big spoon...
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
