I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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