feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
