When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
