I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
