Can i not drive my cunt home
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
