I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
