Kiss
Puke
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
