Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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