ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
These tits shall not be calmed
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
