isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
