JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
