we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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