but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
