I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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