Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
it hurts more in the daytime
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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