Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
