worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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