i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
