So drunk its hurt
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
