her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
