Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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