I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
