I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
