you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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