I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
