I'm lost and stupid without you.
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
