so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
