I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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