I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Randomize
