I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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