I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
