i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize