Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
