the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
