i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Randomize
