the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
