From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
