I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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