Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
