The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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