just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
