Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
fuck your aforementioned shoe
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
