how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
