mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Where did you get a picture of my penis
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
