Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
