I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
