The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
