Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
