Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
