i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
