I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
organizing the empties. That sober.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
