Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize