people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
