Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
