Fuck appropriateness.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
