Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
