I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
