come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
40s are totally the cure
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
