Umm I'm too high to move.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
