oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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